June 24th, our official test day! God we were sooo nervous to test this time. I hadn’t done an early test so had no idea what to expect. We just wished for 2 clear lines on the pregnancy test! I felt as though it would be positive, I couldn’t see any reason why I wouldn’t be pregnant, so I was somewhat expecting the test to be positive. Which just made my anxiety worse because I knew I could be setting myself up for heartache!
Will woke me up around 5:30am, and as soon as I opened my eyes I could feel my heart beginning to race from the nerves.
Pregnancy test done, and we waited for 3 minutes.
Nothing. We thought it might take a while like the last one did, so we kept checking every couple of minutes, but the test remained negative. A very bright, clear negative.
I cried a little, and Will cuddled me. I don’t know how he stays so strong through it all!
But actually, I think we took it really well this time. Better than expected, especially as I was secretly expecting to be pregnant! We just reassured each other and had the mindset of maybe we’ll get it third time lucky.
Of course it was a really upsetting day for us, we felt so deflated and just couldn’t understand what could have gone wrong this time.
I began to think of things that may have caused our failure,
maybe that day I slipped down the stairs caused implantation to fail?
Maybe I was worrying too much?
What if it’s just my body rejecting the embryo?