September 3rd, we woke up super early again, around 5:30am ish.
SO nervous! My heart began racing the second I opened my eyes.
I just don’t know if I can take another fail, and I don’t know what we will do about affording treatment if this hasn’t worked.
I went to the bathroom and done the pregnancy test, then took it back to bed with me, put it on the bedside cabinet and lay down to try and catch my breath and prepare myself for the result. Prepare myself for another negative.
Me and Will cuddled for a minute, and told eachother that if we have been unlucky again then we will find a way and we will try again. If we need to save for years then that is what we will do.
After about 5 minutes, I leant over to read the test.
My heart sank.
Me and Will cuddled for a while and talked about what our next steps would be.
But we were both truly gutted. Life can just be so unfair sometimes. I can’t imagine how those people must feel, who have gone through many many failed cycles and are still battling with infertility.
I am so so scared for that to be me, I don’t feel ‘strong’ anymore.
I don’t feel like I can take anymore setbacks.
I’m well and truly drained of all my positivity, hope and faith. Just drained of everything.
We phoned the clinic and told them the result, now we just had to wait for our last follow up with our fertility specialist.